Have you ever had times when despite the best planning, things just don’t work out as you hope? Those days when life throws you a few curve balls?
What do you do when that happens? How do you cope? Do you plough on through, or stick your head in the sand?
For me, this week has been one of those weeks. I won’t bore you with the details but it’s mainly been things to do with family (mostly the children), injuries, Test and Protect, and various unplanned journeys. Life stuff coming thick and fast at the same time that working here as a Community Coach is getting busier! Juggling has become harder. Stress has tried to disrupt things.
Now I’m not typing this to get sympathy (unless you want to!). I’m mentioning it to try to be of help!
I have the privilege of being one of the facilitators for the NHS THRIVE to Keep Well Programme being run for the first time in Falkirk. Colleagues from Community Learning and Development are joining me, plus support and input will come from Artlink Central, Forth Environment Link and others. The programme supports local adults who are experiencing mild to moderate mental health and wellbeing challenges. It was developed to assist individuals to rebuild their lives by increasing their skills, knowledge and awareness of their own personal health and wellbeing and aims to support participants to feel more integrated into their community by helping build positive social networks, improve personal development, and support participants to develop their own social and economic lives.
Through this programme, amongst other things, we introduce relaxation and try to understand what triggers stress within each individual. We will help each individual to move towards whatever a positive destination looks like for them.
So far, having had the intro and first full session, stuff has happened outside of the group to try to throw stress at us. In part it’s worked in distracting one or other of the facilitators. But overall, with the strength the group has found already, it has not brought us down! Bizarrely, Session 2 has sessions on the causes and triggers of stress! It will be good to have some practical examples to deliver to the group!
So what do we do? How do we get through this? Honestly, I don’t know! But this blog is meant to be of help so let me try. In reality, the answer is going to be different for each individual but let me throw out one solution. This might seem a little simplistic, but I believe this is a destination to work towards for all of us. Here goes…
Have you watched The Lion King? I love it and we’ve been lucky enough to see it at the theatre too where it takes on a whole new perspective. But I want to pull out one song from the show. It is sung to us by Timon and Pumbaa who befriended Simba when he ran away from his family. They taught him to enjoy life no matter how tough it gets. And so they sung “Hakuna Matata” – a phrase that means “no worries”. Through this light hearted song, they encourage us to discover ourselves freely and to not worry about the past, as dwelling over the past can easily ruin the present and future. It is a philosophy that can really transform your life.
I’m told that Hakuna Matata is basically a combination of Swahili words which means “there are no troubles” (Hakuna means “there is not here” and Matata means “problems or troubles”). Or we can also say that everything is okay, all is well.
Now I know that this is so much easier to say than to do. But I’m going to try to do this more. Will you join me? Here’s the song to help us out!
Okay, that title doesn’t scan as well as the Jackson 5 hit “ABC” but there’s a reason for the strange title to the blog this week.
Back in February I introduced you to a thing called Asset Based Community Development – ABCD for short. It’s a fancy title for working with who and what you have in your community and recognising them not as random statistics, but as people. People who have skills, talents, passions, needs, desires. People who can be the change in their community. People who, with the right encouragement, can be even more amazing. People who can make a positive difference in their lives, in their families lives, in the organisation their part of, and in the whole community. In short, what my job is here to do.
So why am I returning to this now?
Well, apart from the fact that I live by this every day, specifically, in a couple of weeks time I am part of a team hosting the second UK ABCD Jamboree that this time has a Scottish theme. Basically, this is an online get together for people delivering some kind of Community Development but also crucially, for those who are actually in communities – those who are being the change already. Practitioners at all levels. This is the first of a series of ‘regional’ gatherings where projects can be showcased from Scotland, Wales, England and Northern Ireland. It’s been one of the positives of using online platforms to meet, as there is the chance to hear and learn from others across a wider field than we would ever have met with before. We’re so pleased to be involved in the first one of these and give the chance for people to see the opportunities that are being grabbed here in Camelon and Tamfourhill amongst other areas.
So this is an open invitation to you. Whether you’re reading this as someone in a position of authority, someone who is getting their hands dirty by doing the every day community stuff, or anyone in between those extremes, this is the gathering for you. It’s not a dry, policy led set of PowerPoint presentations. This is going to be full of living, breathing stories of communities making a difference. We want to flood this online gathering with people who are actively involved in community activity at all levels.
As well as hearing from some great projects from across Scotland (including a 5 minute piece from Lynne at Tamfourhill Community Hub in the quick fire talks section), there will be lots of chances to chat with people from other communities who are there to share and learn in equal measure. This is a place for ideas to be shared, connections to be made, and communities to be celebrated. And it’s all free!
So why not book in. It would be great to see you there and to truly celebrate our area on this UK platform. It’s being held on Zoom on Tuesday 7 September from 10am to 1230pm. More details are on the image below but you can book at celebratingcommunities.eventbrite.co.uk. I look forward to celebrating with you at that event.
Our Place Camelon and Tamfourhill is pleased to announce the official arrival of the Tidy Clean Green group and want to invite you to join in the celebrations and activities.
This group is a coming together of the Community Growing and Litter Picking groups who have both been gathering pace over recent months. With both of them covering parts of our #tidycleangreen campaign, it made sense to bring them together into a constituted group that will be able access their own funding. Existing members have approved the plan and are forming an operating committee, but there is still room to get involved. Myself and John will continue to support the group and its members especially in these early days, but for as long as they need.
It’s really exciting to see this resident-led group come into being and to see the potential for them. This is just a small part of my role to support the establishment of groups like this but it is a really important part. I’m supporting a couple of other aspiring groups at the moment but have room for more, so if you have an idea you want to explore further, then don’t hesitate to get in touch with me. Contact details are below.
So, back to Tidy Clean Green. On the weekend of 14/15 August, we have a couple of events for you to get involved in.
Firstly, on Saturday 14, John is hosting the last in the series of the Our Place Camelon & Tamfourhill (Great Place Falkirk funded) community canal clear ups from 10am to 4pm. This one is a family activity and includes a clean up of the canal using canoes, plus by walking along the tow path, followed by a fun and interactive workshop. If would like to take part then please get in touch with John on 07391524528 or email communitysafetyengager@tamfourhilltro.co.uk. Please note that places are extremely limited, so don’t leave it too late to get in touch. You can come along as 1 adult/parent/carer with up to 2 children who must be 8 years and older for the canoe part of the day, however there are no age or numbers restrictions for the canal towpath litter pick and the workshop session. This is a great way to end the school holidays and enjoy a day out and about around Lock 16, the Forth and Clyde Canal and the Falkirk Wheel. There is no cost to taking part and you will be making a valuable contribution to keeping our community tidy clean and green.
Secondly, on Sunday 15, I am hosting a tree planting session in the Brown Street Park, Camelon. This is following a community consultation in the surrounding area in response to resident suggestions to develop this space. The main plans are on going but this reinstatement of trees was high on peoples list, with 82% of respondents to the consultation agreeing to this going ahead. So from 1pm, we will plant 20 trees that have been kindly donated by The Woodland Trust. These saplings will be regularly checked and as they get bigger, will be maintained to no more than 3m in height to stop them becoming unwieldly and a nuisance. Just prior to that at 12pm, John will facilitate a community litter pick in the park and surrounding streets. All the info is on the flyer below, but there’s plenty to get involved in on what will hopefully be a fun couple of hours. I’ll also be on hand for any enquiries about the park or any other thoughts you might have for the area.
We hope you’ll be able to join us over this weekend of celebration as restrictions ease and as we mark a big step forward in the community.
For my blog this week, to finish off the series where I’ve asked “Why Bother” and “Why Not“, I am revisiting a blog I originally wrote back in July of last year, where I encouraged us to focus on Why we do things. What’s our motivation, our reason, our passion, our purpose? When we start with Why, everything else becomes clearer and falls into place. Now that we’ve explored why we should bother and helped you to address the “why not’s” in life, it seems appropriate to share that blog again to remind us all. So here it is….
Over the years that I’ve had the pleasure of working with community based activities, projects, organisations or enterprises, one thing always stands out for me. Those who know why they are doing whatever it is they are doing, survive longer and better than those who just focus on what they are doing.
This is not just something to put in a funding application form, but something that defines you as an organisation. It will help local people understand why they should get involved. If you’re trading, it could make the difference between someone choosing to buy from your socially benefiting enterprise, or a standard company up the road. If you’re fundraising, it could make the difference between a donors money coming to you or something else.
I’m sure you all know what you do: you hire rooms out; you run a sports activity; you coordinate events; you run a music group; etc etc.
You also probably know how its done: you have a price list and people book in; you have coaches, equipment, and training sessions; you book entertainment and advertise; you have instruments, rehearsals, tutors; etc etc
But the key to success is why you do it: to provide facilities and activities for the betterment of the local community; to improve health, fitness and wellbeing; to celebrate local identity and success; to encourage the development of talent; etc etc
So what is your starting point? Why, how, or what? Author and motivational speaker Simon Sinek writes in his book “Start with Why” about what he calls the “Golden Circle”.
This is one of the most simplistic but powerful ways of looking at what it is that you do – or wish to do. We can so easily get bogged down in ideas, processes, procedures etc that we can forget what is at the heart of our mission. Sinek explains further:
“When most organisations or people think, act or communicate they do so from the outside in, from WHAT to WHY. And for good reason — they go from clearest thing to the fuzziest thing. We say WHAT we do, we sometimes say HOW we do it, but we rarely say WHY we do WHAT we do.” “When communicating from the inside out, however, the WHY is offered as the reason to buy and the WHATs serve as the tangible proof of that belief.”
Simon Sinek: “Start with Why”
This change of thinking could really make the difference for you and your activity / organisation. Before I say more, let’s hear from the Simon Sinek himself in this short TED talk:
In my last development role, I produced a marketing booklet entitled What we do and Why we do it. It was pretty evident what the place did, but not everyone fully understood why. Producing that booklet helped secure a major collaboration that will now be bringing increased support for people in that area. All because we highlighted the ‘why’.
It’s crucial to focus on why your organisations exists and emphasise this. Anything you do (what) and the process to make it happen (how) will fall into place if the why is solid. This is true for any activity, organisation or business but especially so when it is for community benefit. It will give your followers, service users or customers a way to identify with you on a personal level. If your ‘why’ matches their ‘why’, they will be willing to stand with you through thick and thin. Without a clear ‘why’, people default to the ‘what’. Then you are caught in the struggle to stand out in the ever growing sea of ‘what’ and are forced to differentiate yourself with features, or worse, with price. The end result is your reason for being – your ‘why’ – is lost.
Let’s take a hall or meeting space as an example – its easy for me as I’ve run one! You know how big it is, how many people it can hold and the kind of activities you’d be happy to see within it. You know how much it costs to run the hall (light, heat etc) and any staffing costs, so you can work out a rental price. If you stop there, you are just the same as any hall or meeting space and people will choose on location, availability or price – the ‘what’ and ‘how’. However, if you decide to run some activities yourself, or support a group to use the space for less than advertised rates, in order to provide something of direct benefit to the community, you can use this as a reason for other groups or companies renting your space – the ‘why’. “Use our space and we’ll use surplus funds to run this other activity for community benefit” or “have your meeting here and we’ll be able to allow a community benefit activity to use the space at a reduced price or for free”. See the difference? Suddenly there’s a reason for people to use your service – the ‘why’ has come to the fore and in this scenario, your ‘how’ (processes) and ‘what’ (activities) have become consistent with your ‘why’ (beliefs). And that’s the key as all three work together in harmony. To do that, you need to ensure the clarity of why, the discipline of how, and the consistency of what.
Remember that “People don’t buy WHAT you do; they buy WHY you do it.” The most effective leaders always win the heart first, and then the mind. And the only chance you have to win the heart is if you start with WHY.
Simon Sinek: “Start with Why”
I’ll leave you with a terribly misquoted song lyric that might help you remember this Golden Circle that we’ve looked at today: “It ain’t what you do its WHY YOU DO IT”. Until next week…….
Last week in this blog, I asked the question “why bother“. Many of you read it and some took the time to comment positively about it which is nice, but now I want to encourage a bit more action. So, in direct answer to last week’s question, I give you answer “why not“!
Okay, I accept that’s a question not an answer but I think it’s acceptable in this case.
The communities within Camelon and Tamfourhill need more people who will stand up and say “why not”. People who are not willing to look for excuses not to get involved. People who, when they see something that needs doing or where helpers are needed, say “yeah okay, why not. I’ll do that.”
We do have many people like this who have stepped up, said “why not” and used their time, talent and resources to make a difference. Some have been doing it for many (many) years and others are new to it. Here at Our Place Camelon and Tamfourhill, we want to celebrate those people, many of whom don’t even want thanks, praise or recognition for doing what they do. The unsung heroes. Obviously there are the big things like running Community Centres or Sports Clubs where we find many amazing “why not” people at the helm. But then there’s the smaller things which are arguably, just as (or maybe more) important. The person who picks up the litter in their street. The person who regularly does their elderly neighbours shopping. The person who checks in on someone to make sure they’re okay. The person who helps out with a club or activity. The person who checks the accounts for a small community group. The person who reports issues to the relevant authorities so they can be dealt with. The person who organises a get together of people in their close. I could go on…..
The thing is, many of these people have done these things for a long time and could do with some help. Many local organising committees are short on numbers. Many things need to get started but it needs local people to step up to make it happen. As I said last week, times have changed from when you could rely on statutory bodies to provide every service or activity you need. So do we sit back and moan? Do we rant on social media? Do we complain? Or do we say, yeah, why not, I’ll help out, tell me what I can do.
Now that’s all very well if you have the relevant skills to do something. But I know some of you will be concerned that you won’t know what to do or have the necessary skills or qualifications for it. Guess what – we can sort that. If you are not confident in your own abilities then we can sort that too. Here are just some options for sorting these and other things:
I can provide 1 to 1 development coaching for you to understand what you might need, what you could do, and to help you find the ways to move towards your potential.
We have partnered with NHS Forth Valley to bring the THRIVE to Keep Well programme to the area for the first time, as a pilot for women but hopefully for the whole community if this works – click that link for all information and contact details as there is still time to sign up for the August start of this programme.
We are partnering with the Employment and Training Unit and a new charity called 4 The Benefit of All, to bring various personal and skills based training to the community for free – watch this space for more on that soon.
I have access and links to various information, support, guidance etc to give you all you need to get involved in whatever it might be. All you have to do is ask.
So what will you say “why not” to? What do you see in the area that you think you could do something about or get involved in. What don’t you see happening that you think should be?
I am currently working with a couple of groups of local residents who have an idea, have seen a need, and have said “why not”. My job here is to support exactly that kind of thing. Whether its setting the group up and getting funding, or just making connections, finding premises and volunteers, and dealing with authorities, I’m here and at your service.
So why not bite the bullet and voice that idea that’s been hanging around your head for a while? Why not speak to someone you know who might be a good help with whatever it is you’re doing? Why not take that step towards finding your potential by finding out what training you could do or how you could get back into work?
For someone who is usually pretty positive, that may sound like a strange title for a blog. But this isn’t a rant or a whinge – it’s a rallying call to get involved.
Be honest though. How many times have you said something along the lines of “why bother” or “why should I do that ‘insert nice thing’ when it’s just going to become undone” or “why should I help them”. Maybe you’ve even said of others “why are they bothering doing that” or “what’s the point in them helping those ‘insert description here‘ people.” Or even “how is that getting sorted over there but not here”.
Doing good can by tiring when faced with constant negativity. Doing good can really grate when you see your good work undone or put down by others.
So why bother? Why? Because it’s the right thing to do and because it may well be the only way to bring positive change to our local area. So when John and I or any other group in this area gives an opportunity to get involved in something in the local area that will work towards that positive change, let’s jump forward together and not just leave it to the usual people. If we don’t, we will continue to hear, as has been said many times, that this is the land that time forgot.
I completely understand that getting involved in community enhancing activities is hard work and can be extremely draining both mentally and physically. There is an expectation that others (especially the council) should be doing things but times have changed (maybe not for the better but we are where we are). I completely understand that it’s very easy to get drawn into a discussion on social media about problems in the area and it is right that those problems are highlighted. But while a discussion on social media may feel good and give a good platform to rant, it is not the way to get things sorted. I completely understand though that when you stand up to try to make a positive change, you are also putting yourself up on the firing line and sometimes that can feel a lonely place.
So why bother? Andy March said “If you’re kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives. Be kind anyway. If you’re successful, you’ll win some unfaithful friends and some genuine enemies. Succeed anyway”. What a great message that essentially says forget what anyone else will say or think. If you think this is the right way forward and will bring positive change to the community then go for it.
Why shouldn’t we bother? Why shouldn’t we do kind things because it’s the right thing to do? Why shouldn’t we become successful in our area? And if we’re not physically able to get involved, why shouldn’t we cheer on those who are having a go?
This is a good point in this blog to actually say thank you to those who are bothering. Those who see an opportunity and grasp it, rather than sitting back and waiting for someone else to get involved. Those who are not afraid to get their hands dirty. Those who are willing to take on extra training to be able to be involved in something. Those who will ask questions to get positive action. Those who truly believe that the only way to make a difference is to actually make a difference.
Carl Beech said “It seems to me that far too often, rather than cheer each other on we seem to provoke each other more to angst and stimulate rows rather than love and good stuff. … I think it’s more than what we say but what we do as well. On one of the marathons I ran (plodded around) I put my name on the front of my tee. All the way round total strangers were yelling out “Come on Beechy!!! Go on son!!!” It was amazing. I’m sure they put an extra 5 miles in the tank just by cheering me on. Similarly, when I see people being gracious, generous in words and actions – it provokes me to want to do the same and lifts my head and heart up to something higher. When people are sarcastic, mocking or argumentative – in the same way it can lower your head and drag you down.”
So what can we do about it? Beechy asks the following questions which I think are good for all of us, including me, to consider: “What do I/you provoke more? The good or the bad? When did I/you last cheer someone on? Do I/we bump my/our gums moaning all the time or does what comes out of my/our mouth encourage people with generous words? Does my/your actions provoke people to good stuff or not?
Challenging questions there but they are well worth considering if we’re serious about making this community an even better place. I am well known for banging on about the good things happening in the area. I am well known for championing our area for the people, organisations and activities that are going on – often under the radar. People from other areas are beginning to sit up and take note. People from outwith our community are beginning to see what can happen when people come together for positive change. Have we sorted all the issues out yet? No, far from it. There is a lot of work to do. But if we keep looking to the problems as problems, that will be all we see. Maybe if you are looking only at the problems, how about considering how you could get involved to try to help turn things around for those involved in those issues. Maybe they just need a chance to be involved themselves?
To use Beechy’s analogy from earlier on, “Let’s keep running the marathon and cheer each other on along the way.” I’m going to bother – what about you?
I was relaxing the other evening watching “Later… with Jools Holland” when he introduced a song from UK jazz musician Emma-Jean Thackray. She’s quite a talent, being listed as a composer, producer, multi-instrumentalist, singer, bandleader and DJ! The style of music hooked me in and I was really taken by the use of a sousaphone by one of the musicians – not something you see every day! But it was the title that really got me thinking and became the seed for this week’s blog (not what you really want at 1030 on a Friday evening but that’s my commitment to you!).
Just think about the song title for a second – Don’t just speak … say something.
I wonder what thoughts that has brought to your mind. Feel free to share either in the comments or by messaging me directly. But for me, its about making sure that whatever comes out of my mouth is worthwhile, helpful, and not just said for the sake of it – that the language I use is to build up not to knock down. I could also apply that to this blog, where I try to put out useful material that will be of interest to you. I’m really grateful for the positive feedback I’ve received from readers which is helpful in knowing this blog is not just reaching people but is having the desired results. I accept that the subject each week will not be for everyone, and the same can be said for some of the things we generally want to say in life. Is this really something that everyone around you needs to hear or is this us just voicing a thought in our head that we really just need to work through ourselves or in a specific conversation directly with someone?
So, let’s look at this in relation to our daily lives. What are we speaking or saying generally? As we’re chatting to people at the school gate, in the shops, on the bus? What about when we’re ‘chatting’ to people on line or making a social media status update? Are we just speaking for the sake of it or are we actually saying something?
While we ponder all that, here’s the lyrics from Emma-Jean Thackray’s song:
Open your eyes before you open your mouth. Stick out your tongue and let me look inside. I want to find what’s down your throat. Open your heart to open up your mind.
Those pearly whites do they really shine? Are they even real? They look too bright. I want to find what’s deep inside. If you must speak, show us your mind.
Don’t just speak… Say something.
Blogger Reno Omokri says “Don’t speak because you want to say something. Speak because you have something to say. The more you talk just to say something, the more your listeners lose respect for you. The more you talk because you have something to say, the more they gain respect for you. And when listening to people, don’t focus only on their words, or you may miss out on what they‘re really communicating. Pay attention to their demeanour, their eye contact, or lack of it, etc. People lie with their spoken language, but hardly with their body language.”
I’d say that really sums it up, so you’ll be pleased to know I don’t have a lot more to add!! But I think the timing of this is really important as we’re beginning to move back to higher levels of activity and therefore more interaction with people. For those who haven’t necessarily had much direct human interaction over the last year, conversations may have been extremely limited, so this is a good time to remember even how to interact with others.
And the other side of this is actually looking at the person you’re talking to. As Emma-Jean says in the opening line of her song “open your eyes before you open your mouth”. What can you tell about the other person before you speak? Are they actually in the right frame of mind to hear what you feel you want to say?
It’s also important to understand that this doesn’t just refer to the general statements you say, but also the questions you ask. By that I mean asking the right kind of questions that will help you get the answers you need – and bear in mind they might not be the answers you’d like! Business advisor Belinda Lui says “The problem is, most of us ask terrible questions. We talk too much and accept bad answers (or worse, no answers). We’re too embarrassed to be direct, or we’re afraid of revealing our ignorance, so we throw softballs and miss out on opportunities to grow.”
This is a key part of our impaCT coaching programme during which our coaches will actually help you to ask the right questions of yourself and then to work towards finding and understanding the answers for yourself. It will help you to move towards your potential which includes how to interact better with others. There’s more information on all of this on our coaching page.
So as I close for this week, let’s all just think more about what we say, how we say it, and why we are saying it – both in person and online. And let’s give as much value to listening as we do to speaking. These are huge parts of community life that will further build on our community spirit as we regain the art of truly meaningful conversation.
Until next time, if you want, here’s Emma-Jean’s song for you to listen to!
Last weekend, another young life was ended too soon. What makes it worse, is that this local young person chose to end their life. No-one should feel so much without hope that they feel this is their only option. So what can we do about it for ourselves and for our community?
Firstly, let me remind you that it is okay not to feel okay. And as Vasundhara Sawhney, quoting Dr Jaime Zuckerman, says, “Not only is it okay to not feel ‘okay,’ it is essential. An abnormal emotional response to an abnormal situation IS normal. We cannot simply pick the emotions we want to have. It just does not work that way,” Dr. Zuckerman said. So feeling sad and scared about my parents after they contracted Covid was normal. Crying after you get into a fight with your partner is also normal, as is feeling anxious and scared about an uncertain future. When we think we might lose something we care about, that’s sad. When we don’t know what to expect next, that’s scary. We should let ourselves, and other people in our lives, feel these things as they come up — which may be more than usual right now.”
Secondly, (and I know this is easy for me to type here but not so easy in reality), there is no need to suffer in silence or alone. Whatever you are feeling – whatever has happened – no one will think so badly of you that they would leave you on your own to deal with suicidal feelings. Find a trusted friend to talk to. This would be better in person but if a text/messenger exchange would help you get started then go for that. But do something. If you’d prefer to talk with someone you don’t know who maybe won’t be connected with your situation, then link up with a local organisation or national service that is there for you no matter what. Contact details for some of these are further down this blog.
Thirdly, we all need to better understand who we are and help our minds focus on that. Now I know that’s a big statement to make, but I want to emphasise that speaking with others is an essential part of that. Not pretending to be someone we’re not. Not trying to be like someone else. But being our awesome potential-filled selves.
Matt Meher says “we live in a day and age where we are very distracted. There’s a million places to be in our minds and our hearts – anywhere except here, now, in the present moment. And usually when we’re in the present moment, a lot of us avoid it because what’s waiting there is sometimes grief, fear, anxiety, or suffering. In fact we kind of live in a day and age where we’re more and more tempted to escape suffering instead of embracing it. We need to be willing to embrace the reality of the human condition, and the reality of this life, even to the point that it moves us to tears, because you can cry from grief and you can also cry from laughter – both require a heart that is so present to the moment that it is willing to be moved to that place. If you’re not present and you’re not free, you can’t get moved. Not only that but fear and anxiety can actually choke off our emotions and so crying is actually a natural involuntary response of our body, our subconscious. We’re getting stuff off our mind, off our chest in a way. And if we’re willing to do that, it creates an environment where we’re more in touch with who we are, and more in touch with the reality our circumstances. When we do that we tend to be more likely to find and experience peace.”
You may have heard about the swan syndrome. This is where everyone looking at you will think you’re all calm, sorted, and just gliding gracefully through life! And yet, just like the swan who’s wee legs will be flapping away to keep it going, under the surface of your outer appearance, things are going absolutely crazy. Your mind is a blur of different things and really you’re just going through the motions. You might be involved in so many things but never really settling. You might be so busy that you’re not sleeping because you’re not having time to wind down. You might be drinking so many energy drinks that you just can’t switch off. This list could go on and on. Things need to change and you need to take time to assess what is most important in your life. Now that might mean some tough choices. I’ve had to make some choices over the last year and have given up some things that I really enjoyed. It was tough. I miss the things I was doing and the people involved in them. But to be honest, I don’t know how I had the time to do them before. Not because I’ve replaced with them other stuff, but because I’ve spent time for me and with my family and friends. Yes, I was happy doing the things I’ve given up, but that doesn’t mean I’m not happy now I’m not doing them!
Dan Gilbert says “Happiness is not a final destination – it is just somewhere you visit on the path of life.”
What that quote is saying is that sometimes you’ll be happy and sometimes you won’t. And as we started this blog, THAT’S OKAY! It’s sad to say that happiness may not last forever in your current setting, but it needs to be acknowledged. That doesn’t mean you should be expecting things to go pear shaped at any minute and so you stop enjoying where you’re at. Please enjoy the moment for what it is. What it does mean is that if that joyous situation does come to an end, you’re ready for it and can pick yourself up with the help of trusted friends, and move forwards.
What I want to do just now is give some key contacts for local and national organisations, but first, here are some key statements from two local organisations that we would recommend:
Falkirk’s Mental Health Association (FDAMH) say “You may feel that there is no hope, but our experience shows us there is. All lives are precious. Don’t feel alone with your thoughts or feel ashamed of struggling, we can all struggle at different times. We are here to listen, without judgement, and to help find a positive solution to what might seem an impossible situation. We offer a range of services that can and do help.”
Quiet Waters Listening and Counselling say: “Do you feel anxious, depressed, angry, sad, hurt, or any of the many difficult emotions that are part of the human experience? Emotions are not good or bad, but they are trying to tell us something. Do you have difficult thoughts whirling around in your head? Is life a struggle? Do you want an opportunity to explore your thoughts and feelings in confidence? We are here if you want to talk through your situation.”
Here are some recommended contact details for you to have for yourself or to pass on to someone who you know that is struggling right now.
FDAMH: 01324 671 600 (Monday to Thursday 10am to 4pm, Friday 10am to 3pm) Quiet Waters: 01324 630643 The Spark Counselling Falkirk: 0808 802 2088 (Monday to Thursday 9am to 9pm, Friday 9am to 4pm) Wellbeing Matters: 01324 630 100 Breathing Space: 0800 83 85 87 Samaritans: 116 123 The Campaign Against Living Miserably (support for men): 0800 58 58 58 Childline 0800 1111 Young Minds: text YM to 85258 NHS 24: 111 Emergency Ambulance 999
There is lots of help out there and they are ready and waiting to support you and those you love. Please, let’s ensure no one suffers in silence to the point of complete despair. As our friends at Camerados say, “The answer to our problems is each other”. We have an amazing community spirit across Camelon and Tamfourhill. Let’s continue to build on that and be there for each other.
To finish this week, I encourage you to watch the video below from the World Health Organisation. It’s well worth the 4 minutes it lasts. This was shown to me when I undertook Mental Health First Aid Training a couple of years ago, and I have used it many times since. If you’re struggling with your mental health just now, this may help you understand what is going on in your head. I’ll leave you with the best 5 words I could ever say or have said to me: “I’m here if you need”.
I am so pleased to be able to introduce an exciting programme that is new to Falkirk. We’re excited that NHS Forth Valley have come to us with the opportunity to pilot this programme that has run elsewhere but never before in Falkirk. So Camelon and Tamfourhill are ground breakers!
So “what is this programme” I hear you cry! Well, specifically this is for the ladies of Camelon and Tamfourhill. I realise that means I’ll lose half of the readers of this blog today and I’m sorry about that, but I’ll balance that back up at a later date. Guys, feel free to read on though as you may have a female in your life to whom this might be relevant so you can let them know.
So ladies, here’s a couple of questions for you, to see if you would be eligible for this programme.
Do you live in Camelon and Tamfourhill area?
Are you aged 16 upwards?
Do you find it difficult at times to deal with day to day stresses?
Are you looking for help to improve your confidence, motivation and/or self esteem?
If you can answer YES to those questions then this programme is potentially for you. If any of those do not apply to you then I’m sorry that the rest of this blog won’t be relevant for you. However, as for the guys, feel free to keep reading as you may know someone who would benefit and you could encourage them to get involved.
The programme is called THRIVE to Keep Well and each letter of the word THRIVE stands for another word. Each participant will have the opportunity to be Transformational in their journey to making positive Health and wellbeing changes, by being a Responsive Individual, to feeling Valued and Empowered by improving knowledge, skills and opportunities in a variety of ways to move towards a positive destination.
The programme is delivered over 16 weeks through one 4.5 hour session per week in a local Centre. The sessions run during the day in school hours. We have space for up to 12 participants so it will also be a great way of meeting some new friends.
The THRIVE to Keep Well programme will help you to:
Increase your knowledge and ability to manage day to day stress and anxiety.
Improve your self-esteem and confidence through self-development and reflection techniques.
Improve your knowledge and skills around motivational goal setting to enable a change in your health behaviour.
Increase your knowledge of your current health. (As part of the programme you can have a NHS Forth Valley Keep Well health assessment)
Increase your confidence and motivation to improve on your life skills, especially when looking towards further learning, volunteering and employment.
Increase your knowledge and develop skills and confidence that will improve family relationships, support your children’s learning, behaviour and attainment (if you are a parent), and enhance the wider wellbeing of you and your family.
Through the programme, participants will learn about stress, anxiety and how to make positive changes through a variety of group and self-reflection activities. Participants also take part in relaxation, creative, health, safety, and community awareness sessions. There will also be a chance to meet with training and employability support providers.
It’s a bit of fun but is also a seriously helpful programme that has benefited so many people to better understand themselves and to progress in life, including moving on to training, volunteering or even a paid job. What’s more, it’s all FREE, plus all resources, drinks, snacks and lunch are included.
So here’s the detail:
The programme starts at the end of August (Preliminary session Friday 20, then Wednesdays from 26 August)
Sessions happen once a week for 16 weeks (breaking for the October school holiday).
Sessions commence at 9:30/10am and finish at 2:30pm, so if you have children at school there’s time to drop them off and pick them up and still benefit from the programme.
This pilot is just for females in the local area aged 16+
Most sessions will be at Tamfourhill Community Hub but some will be at Camelon Community Centre.
If you would like further information, you can get in touch with me (Dan Rous, Community Coach) on 07444 873151 or communitycoach@tamfourhilltro.co.uk or better still, you can contact Jackie Turnbull, who is the NHS Keep Well Forth Valley coordinator and is also local! Jackie is on 07909 002795 or jackie.turnbull@nhs.scot. If you’re linked with a support worker, they may speak to you about referring you to this programme as we have also contacted local agencies and schools about this.
If you would like to support the development of this programme in the local area so we can run it for more groups, male and female, in the future, or if you want to get involved in any way with any of the craft, food, pamper or other elements, then please get in touch with me as well.
So, over to you. Have a think if you would benefit from this, or if you know someone close to you who would. We’re really looking forward to bringing this programme to you this Autumn.
Allow me to introduce you to the movement that is … Camerados. Being a Camerado basically means to look out for each other and, as the title of this blog suggests, to be more human.
So why am I telling you about this movement? Well, basically because here at OPCT HQ we have joined up with them (for free) on your behalf, to gain ideas, resources and support that will help us grow even more as a strong united community. (Have a look at their website for yourself if you want!)
Already we do pretty well at this strong community stuff across Camelon and Tamfourhill but there are always opportunities to do more, to grow more, to be more, well, human! You see, so often, as we live stressed and struggling lifestyles, relying on overstretched and underfunded services, the answer to our problems could lie right here in our community – with each other.
The official blurb says that “Being a Camerado is about recognising we’re all going through stuff and that it’s ok to be a bit rubbish sometimes… but that tough times get easier when you’re alongside, not being fixed or fixing, but having a laugh, mucking in, putting the kettle on and looking out for each other. Why? Because when we look out for each other we get the two essentials that make life worth living: friends and purpose.”
Regular readers who pay attention to this blog will recognise a word in there that I use a lot – alongside. That’s the key in my eyes. To stop doing things for or to people because we think it’s right, and to start coming alongside people and doing things with them. And do you know what? The other person might even be able to help you!
Camerados operate through 6 principles as shown in the image below but I’ll explain them too:
It’s ok to fail. And thank goodness for that! We don’t have to get things right all the time – just as long as we learn and try not to make the same mistake again. It’s okay to try something out and for it not to work – at least you tried when many might not even have bothered starting.
We don’t try to fix other people. Just be alongside them. There it is again – alongside! But the fixing thing is important to flag up. I love to help people reach their inner potential. To help them achieve what they were designed to achieve. But in my heart, I am a fixer. Show me a problem and I’ll find a solution. That’s fine in a lot of settings and has served me well in project development work over the years. But here, the biggest challenge for me in this job is to help people to develop – not to develop the people. That’s where our impaCT coaching programme comes in too. Helping people to ask the right questions and come up with the answers they need to move forwards. And training for this has helped me as well! So I’m here to help people – yes, you – to find their own fixes in life – and, as the graphic above says, to have lots of tea too (am I allowed to add cake or at least a biscuit onto that as well?)
We mix with people who don’t look like us. This is not just about race or religion but even people who have a different outlook on life – a different career path – different tastes. As an Englishman who supports Spurs, I’m used to being different! But I live in Camelon and have mixed with many people over the last nearly 5 years, who you wouldn’t normally think would mix with the likes of me. Yes there’s a light hearted element to those last 2 sentences but this is equally a serious point. We are a strong community but a community that has changed a lot over the years and is now proudly multi-cultural. Let’s embrace difference more and really celebrate community.
Remember – have fun! I often get accused of being a bit frivolous in life. I like a laugh and a joke even if my kids despair at most of my jokes (don’t they realise that just makes me tell them more!) But that is not to say that I don’t put in a hard slog, get stressed out, lose the plot and other things like that. But at the heart of everything we do, we need to keep returning to this principle – a lot.
If we disagree, level with other respectfully. Similar to principle 3, we’re all different – but that’s ok. We will have different opinions and views on things – but that’s ok. The trick is to disagree respectfully. Just because you don’t like something doesn’t mean everyone else is wrong – nor does it mean you’re wrong and they’re right. But speaking with people – attempting to see the other side of the story – not necessarily agreeing but accepting – these are such important things to take on board. Having a rant on social media is so easy – probably too easy. You can even do it behind a veil of anonymity if you choose. And then it’s very easy to respond and how many posts have we seen with dozens of comments ranting and raving at each other. Stop. Take a breath. Try to engage respectfully. And if that’s not an option because the other person is just looking for an argument – well it’s also okay to say nothing sometimes.
If someone is struggling try asking them to help you…it gives them purpose. I love this so much. It goes back to the not-fixing principle. This is so rarely thought of as an option but the thing you ask that person to help you with could be the one thing that stops them from going down a really bad path that day. You’re not fixing them. You’re giving them a task to do which in turn, will help them think differently about themselves.
How good are those principles? None of this is rocket science as they say. But how often do we miss out on these simple truths in life – and what a difference it would make if we all tried to live by these.
Yesterday, I posted this picture on twitter, saying I was excited to see what was inside. I added #publiclivingroom, #beacamerado and #watchthisspace to the tweet.
So, this is the space you’ve been watching! Why was I excited? Well partly because I’m a bit sad, but mainly because this was our free Public Living Room kit. “What’s a Public Living Room, Dan” I hear you shout. I’m glad you asked! (Is anyone actually still reading this?!) Well, to return to the official Camerados blurb, “What if there was a place you could go on tough days to weather the storm? We call these Public Living Rooms, comfortable places where people look out for each other, human to human. Where it’s okay to be a bit rubbish and folks will be alongside you, listening, chatting and with no expectations.” How amazing does that sound?
So what’s inside the box I hear you ask (that’s good – you are still there!) Have a look at the images below (they’ll go bigger if you click on them) then I’ll explain a bit more:
Games, decorations, flyers, cards, badges, stickers, cushion covers, throws, mugs. A fantastic mix of resources to help us (I mean you!) to set up a Public Living Room. And here’s a few images of what a room could look like:
But what is so special about these public living rooms? Aren’t they just another café? Well basically yes apart from these are usually free. They’re a place to gather, chat, drink tea and eat biscuits. But more than that, they’re a place to be more human. If you’re in any doubt, have a read of this account from a Public Living Room down south that even explains why there’s a Connect 4 game in the box:
Right beside our Public Living Room was a mental health drop-in centre. We met lots of people who were visiting it. If your life consists of short appointments what do you do the rest of the time? One half hour appointment about deeply challenging issues then leaves you 23 and a half hours of that day to walk around with nothing to do but worry before or after that appointment. There was a little fella who looked like McKenzie Crook of The Detectorists, dressed in a cagoule and jogging pants with a strangely expressionless face and he said to us: “I was wandering up this street looking for somewhere to kill myself today, but then I came in here and played Connect 4 with people, had a cuppa and a few custard creams. It was nice. Don’t think I’m gonna go through with it today.” Connect 4 made a difference that day.
Wow. Just wow. Never underestimate the power of the simple things. Tea. Custard Creams. Connect 4. A friendly face. These things that cost next to nothing, actually saved someone’s life.
So let’s work on this together shall we? Alongside each other? Where would you like to see a public living room set up in this community? Indoors or outdoors? Where can we best be of help to you to make that happen? Why not message us today so we can resource you as needed.
Safer Communities Youth Action Project 